Posts Tagged ‘freshly pressed’

I knew it was going to be bad even before I opened it. You might think that someone in my position may have hesitated, perhaps had second thoughts, or considered the implications of their actions. But alas, no. Rather I acted like a man possessed. I laughed in the face of danger and happily skipped past the line drawn in the sand. My devil may care attitude however would be short lived.

Suffice it to say after perusing Freshly Pressed I now know more about book spines than I ever wished to. Not that it was something I often wished about mind you. That being said it was still somewhat of a revelatory experience. Food for thought, if you will. Out there somewhere in this vast oval shaped expanse we call earth, was a person, and judging by the comments section persons, who were naturally inquisitive about book spines. It begs the question, were they born this way or was it an affliction they suffered later on in life?

At this juncture, I should disclose that I too have glanced at book spines from time to time. Generally in the presence of lady company. Women like bookshelves apparently. Perhaps it’s a disguise and the only reason they buy bookshelves is so they have somewhere else to stack their collection of Cosmo magazines. I’ve often stared at these overflowing bookshelves in wonderment. Where do they find the time? How many books on relationships can one person possibly own? And why wouldn’t you Supersize a meal, it just doesn’t make any sense!  

Despite my protestations to the contrary I am a voracious reader. Maybe even too much so. Is it a result of some kind of undiagnosed ADD? Whatever the reason, I don’t tend to linger long once I’ve finished a book. No time for the moral of the story to percolate in my mind. I’ve already started plotting how I can possibly get my hands on the latest Taylor Swift autobiography- ‘Taylor Swift: The Early Years’. A short excerpt:

“My uncle Randall sure loved to play the banjo. Even now I remember sitting at his feet as he strummed away, thinking to myself, ‘Why hasn’t anyone ever told him how terrible he is?’ It was then that I vowed that I would only ever play the ukulele. Unfortunately they don’t have much need for ukuleles in Pennsylvania and so I had to make do with a guitar. But guitars and ukuleles are pretty much the same thing when you think about it. If you play from the heart it doesn’t really matter what instrument you have in your hands. Unless that instrument is a banjo because those things are ghastly! Wait I may have mentioned that already. My bad.”

Now that I have mulled it over perhaps it takes a certain wisdom to appreciate book spines. A wisdom that says there’s joy to be found in the finer details. A wisdom that says take the time to value the little things because it’s the little things that count. Or it could just be that some people are OCD.

Thankfully I’m not OCD so frankly I couldn’t care less if I’ve mentioned Taylor Swift’s name exactly 3 times in this post or not.

You just counted, didn’t you? Busted!

Now that I’ve been on WordPress for all of 5 days (That’s all your fingers on one hand which is a lot!) I think I speak for everyone when I say how thoroughly impressed I am with the quality and sheer joie de vivre of the blogs featured on WordPress Freshly Pressed.

Some of you may see this as brown nosing and a not so subtle attempt to be featured on Freshly Pressed myself. In that regard you would be absolutely right and I applaud you for being so astute. Obviously you were educated at Eton and ate all your veggies as a young child.

Regrettably however the more I perused the blogs on Freshly Pressed the more I began to realise they could string proper sentences together that actually make sense. In contrast I just randomly stick simple words together in the hopes I get my point across before I become too distracted. It’s fair to say that I have the attention span of a hyperactive six year old who has just snorted 10 packets of sugar.

The truth is whenever I discover that someone is better at something than I am, I instantly loathe them. How dare they make me think less of myself. As far as I am concerned I am awesome and smell like rose petals. Don’t even get me started on how dainty and cute my feet are.

Therefore it should come as little surprise that I find the featured blogs on Freshly Pressed utterly distasteful. I can’t stand show offs! It’s one thing to be talented but it’s another thing altogether to flaunt it. The only time showing off is truly justified is when I’m the one doing the showing off in question. I can do a handstand if that counts for anything. Okay that’s not strictly true. I used to be able to do a handstand when I was 10. Now when I even attempt to bend over, I whimper like a schoolgirl, and chastise myself for being so foolhardy.

Now that I think about it I am completely talent free. If it wasn’t for Freshly Pressed I would never have come to this realisation at all. So thanks to Freshly Pressed tonight I am going to cry myself to sleep and in all probability dream about Bear Grylls. Hey don’t judge me!

In my dream Bear is attacked by a swarm of bees and is hopelessly overwhelmed. Cue my entrance, looking resplendent in a long leather trench coat, my sparkling blonde hair fluttering in the warm summer breeze, and my fly swatter at the ready. The bees never stood a chance really. Needless to say Bear is monumentally grateful and swears he’ll never go outdoors again without proper adult supervision. Instead he will stay indoors and watch Discovery Channel like normal people.