Hello my name is…

Posted: January 29, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

As I have been scarce in these parts of late, think of me as a salamander if you will, I thought a re-introduction might be in order. I suppose if I was so inclined I could just edit the About Section and be done with it. But after reading my original About Section, I realised it was a work of art and should remain just as God intended, and by God of course I mean me.

That being the case, this is a good opportunity for us to get reacquainted. Basically I’m going to wax lyrical, and you’re going to listen. Admittedly, you could go ‘to hell with this’, and click the little x at the top right hand corner of your screen. But if you do this somewhere in the world a fairy will die and you don’t want that on your conscience do you?

Right, now that we’ve got the unpleasantries out of the way, let me paint you a picture of my personality.

Firstly contrary to what the rumour mill might suggest, I am not the real Slim Shady. While I concede I am not rotund in nature, I prefer to think of myself as athletic rather than slim. I don’t mean to suggest that I have a habit of running 100 meters, unless of course I urgently need the toilet in which case all bets are off.

Secondly I do not own a single Taylor Swift album. Shameful I know but in my defence I have ears. The more astute among you might be suspicious given that this is the 3rd time I have mentioned her in as many posts. BUT she did a hair flip at the Grammys, so how bad can she be?

Image

(Picture courtesy USA Today)

Thirdly I have an accent. Apparently. An English one if you must know. Now if you’re picturing a multitude of characters from Snatch or Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, you’re barking up the wrong tree. It’s more Sherlock-esque, for those of you lucky enough to have witnessed the BBC series. However at this point it is imperative that I make it quite clear that my hair is far superior to Bernard Cumberbatch. A fine actor he might be but one might be forgiven for thinking that a beaver was nesting at the top of his head.

Lastly I am an accomplished cook. Many people find the settings on the side of a toaster to be confusing. I don’t. I like my toast black, that’s all.

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Comments
  1. Desire says:

    Seriously…. am I the only one commenting on a such a magnificent post?

    WTF? Looks like you’ll need to do a whole lot of blog-whoring.

    I find that writing about farting tends to pull in the crowds. Use it, don’t use it.

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