Archive for June, 2013

Now I know what you’re thinking. Hey aren’t you supposed to be dead? I admit that is a logical conclusion to draw considering my scarcity in these parts. But if I was dead I would no doubt be harassing the hell out of you. So just be thankful that I am as healthy as an ox, and full of vim and vigour. I’ve actually always wanted to know what vim is and now thanks to the wonder that is Google, I know that vim is ‘lively or energetic spirit’. As an aside it’s also apparently a text editor of some sort, although at that point my eyes glazed over so can’t really tell you much more than that.

Anyway if you think my absence has been due to some life changing mind altering event, you would be wrong. I still don’t have any children that I’m aware of. High fives himself. Hey don’t judge me. Kids are expensive and I like money. Plus I like playing with matches so what kind of example would that set.

I haven’t moved or relocated. Although that’s probably because I hate packing with a passion that borders on religious fervour. I suppose part of the reason I don’t like packing is because it reminds me how much junk I’ve accumulated. Then I start feeling all guilty and stuff and have irrational thoughts like, ‘perhaps I should throw out that card I got for my 12th birthday’, or, ‘yes Kris Kross will make you jump, jump, but do I really still need to be hanging onto their official t-shirt?’ Needless to say I don’t want to go down that road again. After all that Kris Kross t-shirt is practically an antique and if I’m not mistaken antique is code for expensive. I’ve carefully studied old people so I know stuff like this. Of course by carefully studied I mean I’ve hung out with my grandparents a couple of times.

I haven’t changed jobs recently either. Still in the same one. I even celebrated my work anniversary there last month. Okay I’m not sure I’m using the word ‘celebrated’ in the right context here. They didn’t buy me cake or even get me a balloon. It made me sad but then I realised they pay me actual money, not like the pretend Monopoly kind, and then I was happy again. Money buys bacon and bacon makes the world go round. And by round, I really mean round, because, well bacon is fattening. But bacon makes me happy.

Anyway my point is this, not much has changed. I’m still alive, still half man half awesome, and still slippery when wet. That is all. Further updates as events warrant.