Archive for October, 2012

HOUSE BROKEN

Posted: October 31, 2012 in My Life
Tags: , , , , ,

Where do I begin? A question often asked by directionally challenged runners and in this case me. I haven’t blogged in so long it almost seems disingenuous to refer to myself as a blogger. Thankfully my lack of verbosity isn’t due to bone idleness or inclement apathy rather it’s a by-product of circumstance.

John Lennon once said life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans. Sadly for John life had other plans for him. During my sabbatical from WordPress I have begun a journey that many people tentatively refer to as ‘growing up’. Rather fortuitously it hasn’t sucked as much as I thought it would. That doesn’t mean to suggest that I think being an adult is awesome. It just means with the right amount of imagination, and a sense of humour, life can be pleasurable at best and mediocre at worst.

My groundbreaking, earth shattering, read all about it, news is that I have become a man of means. I broke open my piggy bank, counted all the spare change, and decided on a whim to buy a house. I jest of course it wasn’t a whim, it was more of a crap myself moment when I realised how much houses were and how poor I was going to be as a result in the foreseeable future.

Of course I only have myself to blame. I am, to paraphrase Madonna, just a material boy. I could have bought a hovel. I would have had a roof over my head and enough money left over to use it as wallpaper. Sadly however I had stars in my eyes and many years of being brainwashed by Cribs had led me to believe that a 12 person Jacuzzi was a right not a luxury.

In the end I decided to buy a palace. Okay technically speaking it’s not strictly a palace. There’s no moat surrounding the house although there is a fair amount of electric fencing around the perimeter. Shocking I know but true nonetheless. The garden is so large I imagine that if I take a wrong turning it might take me a week before I find my way back to civilisation. The pool is daunting. The pessimist in me says I’d never be able to hold my breath long enough to swim a lap underwater. The optimist in me says a couple of laps a week and I’ll soon have the physique of Michael Phelps. Obviously I like lying to myself.

Despite the many charms of the house, and my overriding excitement at the fact that I can walk around the house butt naked if I so please, I take a look at the garden and there’s only one thought that fills my head. I can get a puppy! At this stage I’m leaning towards getting a Labrador. I picture us hitting the wooded trails and running many ‘happy’ miles together. A companion to my crazy convoluted impression that running is fun. In reality I’ll probably be spending my life cleaning up dog poop in the garden. But for now I’m happy to let my imagination call the shots…

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