You say potato and I say OMG carbs

Posted: July 11, 2012 in Random
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It seems rather bizarre that every time I put finger to keyboard, I have this urge to apologise for my recent lackadaisical approach to blogging. Well to hell with that! Instead I am going to delight you, my dear reader, with some thought provoking if somewhat fanciful ramblings courtesy of my dysfunctional mind.

My mind, bless its soul, is a leaky contraption at the best of times. Supremely talented at storing irrelevant obscure facts but prone to forgetting vital information at the most inopportune moments. “Hello Douglas, it’s so good of you to come to my party.” ‘My name is Randolph!’ “Oh, well they practically sound the same.”

I’ve been working like a dog recently. Actually I’m not entirely sure that’s true. I’ve known a lot of dogs in my time and they never seem to be doing anything constructive, unless of course chasing a dragonfly in the back garden counts as being constructive. Hard work is sometimes like a drug. It consumes your thoughts to the point where if you’re not working, the only way to pass the time is to think about work. It’s a sad state of affairs if I’m blunt. Regrettably I have not been immune to its charms, if I can call it that. I swear if I start developing grey hairs, I’m going to pack it all in and become a professional wino. But let me not start hyperventilating here.

As a clear cut demonstration of how little time I’ve had to myself, all I’ve read in the past two months is a copy of Men’s Health magazine. Rather ‘mysteriously’ it was titled the Sex Issue. But surely if you’re actually having sex you don’t have time to read? Wait a minute, what does that say about me? Awkward moment. Oooh, look a peacock, such pretty colours. I think I handled that well.

In other news I had protein oats for breakfast. If I’m not mistaken this means I can sit and stare at my computer screen all day long and I’ll still develop muscles. It’s a pity life doesn’t actually work like that. The only thing I’ll develop from sitting on my ass all day is haemorrhoids. Regrettably chicks don’t dig haemorrhoids, well not that I know of, although it’s probably not something I’m likely to bring up on a first date anytime soon. Suffice to say women can be judgmental and stuff. There’s a fine line between having a sense of humour and just being plain weird. Thankfully I’m such a snappy dresser I’ll never be considered weird. After all it’s hard not to look awesome in paisley.

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Comments
  1. mrsfever says:

    Your distraction technique might have worked if there was no *cock* in peacock…

    Except that sex (or lack thereof) was the topic from which you were trying to distract.

    And then you had protein (you know where this is going, right?)…oats (sewing some wild ones?)…for breakfast.

    Cough.

    Just sayin’. 😉

    Oh look… Shiny thing!

  2. bibibapka says:

    Firstly, if you’re wearing the salad, you’re doing it wrong.
    Secondly, that big word again. I haven’t even had “coffee” yet.
    Thirdly, ooh…*turns up radio and sings along* “Toniiiiiight…Weeeee are yooouuuung”

  3. bibibapka says:

    Dude! I just wasted half an hour of my life writing a new post and now the f*&)^%$ thing has gone poof! Nowhere to be found. I could cry. *sniff*

  4. dockfam says:

    You had me at “lackadaisical”. Definitely my most favorite word of the English language. To say, write and read. 🙂

  5. bibibapka says:

    So…

    Are you “working” or have you just taken an extended liquid lunch?

  6. bibibapka says:

    It’s my birthday dammit. I demand wine.
    *holds out empty vase*

  7. Hello you, nice to see your crazy hasn’t left you…. (formerly Insanity Rules)

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