Posted: May 10, 2012 in Random
Tags: , , , , ,


That seems to be the most appropriate first word to use after my long hiatus in the wilderness. I wasn’t literally in the wild of course. I start to break out into a cold sweat if I’m not within 20 metres of a flat screen TV at any given moment.

Needless to say you’re all probably dying to know where I disappeared to. Some of you no doubt imagined that I cruelly met my fate in a tragic farming accident. There I was feeding the chickens geckos for breakfast (Okay I admit it I don’t know what chickens eat. But I once saw my cat eat a gecko so I’m assuming what’s good for the goose is good for the gander) when suddenly I tripped over a rooster and impaled myself on a pitchfork.

Obviously since I am writing this blog I am pleased to report that I’m very much alive. I’m older perhaps, but still alive and happily still wrinkle free. To those of you who thought I was dead, shame on you! I curse you and hope that all your future children have webbed feet. Technically I’m actually doing you a favour. How awesome would it be to have webbed feet? Why if I had webbed feet I’m pretty confident that I’d almost be able to do two whole laps in the pool.

I generally tend to avoid swimming at all costs. I don’t spend 30 minutes on my shimmering silky soft hair in the mornings just to mess it up by randomly jumping into a pool. Also I don’t have gills so I’m assuming that must be some kind of sign.

I could come up with some long convoluted excuse for why I haven’t been on WordPress lately. For example I could say that I decided to adopt 17 Somali children while I was on holiday and as result I haven’t had a moment’s peace. But that would be a lie because Madonna beat me to it. The truth is reality has had my undivided attention of late and consequently my storytelling has had to take a backseat. On the plus side at least I’m using the backseat for something other than sex for a change. I guess I did say that out loud. Oh well.

But enough about me, for now at least, what have I missed?

  1. Did you say you were away for a sex-change? Welcome please Les Johnson Oooh!
    BTW, what’s good for a goose,(in my opinion) is usually good for another..goose. Welcome back

  2. Bibi says:

    Just popping in to say hullo howzit! LetterBash is under construction apparently so don’t be surprised if you look for your blog and it’s not there. Jussaying. *clink*

    • innocent1 says:

      I knew this day would come because I’m psychic like that. In other news I’m hoping to be less of a stranger around here although it’s entirely possible I may be proven wrong. Fate can be fickle.

  3. Zeenat says:

    Welcome back. I missed reading your quirky blog n comments. :*

  4. jackalax says:

    welcome back 🙂 relieved you’re still alive!
    Loved the Madonna comment 🙂

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