GISELE BUNDCHEN EAT YOUR HEART OUT

Posted: February 23, 2012 in My Life
Tags: , , , , ,

Last week it dawned on me that my complexion was looking rather pale and as I didn’t want to suddenly become an extra in The Vampire Diaries (Worst show ever? Possibly if it wasn’t for the fact that watching golf on TV is exponentially worse. I’d rather lick razor blades) I decided it was time to take immediate action against my glow in the dark visage.

 

So without much further ado I chose to take a holiday to what is known as the Mother City. For those of you not familiar with Cape Town it is basically the San Francisco of Africa. I could elaborate on that comparison but I won’t.

 

Cape Town of course is so much more than this. It offers breathtaking vistas, sublime beaches (Seriously the sand is so white you could be forgiven for snorting it) but regrettably frigid waters (If you value your manhood you won’t even attempt it), and a quaint little known mountain that is often affectionately called Table Mountain. It looks nothing like a table however but according to the learned geologists because it’s flat on top that obviously means it resembles a table. In that case they may as well call it Breadboard Mountain. Well breadboards are flat aren’t they? And at least then the locals can say their mountain is the best thing since sliced bread.

 

Most agreeably the Cape region in South Africa also produces the best wine in the world. This is a fact. I say this because a rather misguided female from Portugal had the temerity to suggest that Portugal makes good wine as well. As far as I can recall the only two things Portugal are famous for are peri-peri chicken and moustaches, and that’s pretty much it. Anyway I digress. I love red wine. It makes me happy and as far as I’m concerned it’s medicinal as well. Feeling sick? Drink wine. Problem solved!

 

Most importantly however at this time of year Cape Town has sunshine until practically 9pm at night. In essence this means you can see bikini clad women at all hours. How awesome is that? If your first response wasn’t totally then I feel sorry for you and hope you contract a fungal infection in the not too distant future.

 

I am pleased to say that my strategy was a complete success. Not only am I gorgeous as always (9 out of every 10 women polled said they’d rather do me than eat a hot dog) but I am now also sporting a heavenly tan. It’s fair to say even Gisele would be jealous.

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Comments
  1. Debra - formerly Insanity Rules says:

    You just had to wait until I left Cape Town, didn’t you. I’m sure you had a good time, but Cape Town isn’t quite the same without me in it….

  2. Zarchaspo says:

    Who cares about the bank balance. More red wine should sort that problem too. 🙂

  3. Africa is my second love…

    Very few people are deserving of, or could truly appreciate, this Award. But you certainly do! (I do too!)

    • innocent1 says:

      Thank you, there certainly is something magical about Africa despite its problems. I count myself very fortunate that I’ve grown up in such a beautiful country.

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