I HEART NEW YORK

Posted: January 23, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

I love New Yorkers. I can say this with great authority because I have in fact only ever met one actual live New Yorker. Of course I don’t mean to suggest that I make a habit of bumping into dead New Yorkers because if we’re honest it wouldn’t be a very long conversation would it.

I met Madeleine (Who names their daughter Madeleine? Obviously somebody with Tourettes and a bad grasp of the English alphabet) this past weekend. She had an accent and that instantly upgraded her from faintly alluring to desperately desirable. She was the kind of lady I could imagine sleeping with twice. This is quite an admission on my part because I like to steer clear of the ‘two in a row syndrome’. As soon as you sleep with someone twice you start wading into the murky waters of a relationship. And before you know it you’re obligated to talk about your feelings and pretend you give a shit.

After talking to Madeleine for 5 minutes I concluded that she was mentally deranged either that or she had a loose relationship with reality. Of course I adored her instantly! I like crazy people they make me feel better about my own emotional instability.

Madeleine sipped on her coffee and then presumably after mulling it over asked me if I’d like to taste it. Has she not heard of germs? What if she backwashes? All these thoughts should have been rushing through my head. But instead I had the curious urge to lick her cheek. She had the most beautiful and prominent cheekbones I had ever seen. It gave her an air of doability or what others might term pedigree.

I was hopelessly out of my depth here. And when faced with those types of odds I wing it. Needless to say that part of the brain that functions what comes out of my mouth became dysfunctional. I told her that I own twenty pairs of Calvin Klein underwear. Would you like to know why I told her that? Well guess what so would I! She could only have concluded that I suffer from incontinence.

Be that as it may it appears that she found me mildly amusing. Of course it goes without saying that I told her a pack of lies about myself. Why be yourself when you can pretend to be something else altogether. As I say give the people what they want and they’ll love you for it.

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Comments
  1. iamsam4 says:

    only twice?!
    as in, on 2 totally separate occasions, or just, overall?
    and how did you come to that conclusion?

  2. Bibz says:

    Did you have extra nuts in your muesli this morning?

  3. Bibz says:

    All that time spent on my knees … *sigh*

  4. howdy peter pan………….

  5. Bibz says:

    I was never a whiner…a wino yes, never a whiner.

  6. Bibz says:

    For some reason Tina Turner just started singer in my head.

    • Bibz says:

      I meant “singing” in my head…

      • That’s a relief because I was wondering why she would start up a sewing machine. I realise she’s getting old but still.
        I was just wondering whether your WordPress blog was supposed to be incognito because when I tried to access it earlier it said access denied *sad face*

  7. Bibz says:

    I was chatting with Jem (remember her) on e-mail this morning and she mentioned that she couldn’t access my wordpress blog. So I checked on the privacy settings and voila! and hey presto! There I was 🙂

  8. Bibz says:

    There there…dry your eyes little one *hands over Tassies*

  9. Bibz says:

    Honk Kong pairs have just come to mind again.

  10. Bibz says:

    Okay okay I’ll post a pic of my boobies. But first you have to tell me how! I can see an edit button on MY posts and comments, but not on yours *sulk*

  11. truthseekerss says:

    hee hee, nothing wrong with crazy people my man! ps nice pic now that we can see your face…. 😉

    must say all the blogs seem so upgraded!

  12. Bibz says:

    Tit for tat.

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